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Portal Defenders

  • Currently 4.7/5
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Rating: 4.7/5 (111 votes)
Comments (21) | Views (5,118)

MarcusPortal DefendersA word of warning: Portal Defenders is an extremely violent game, which has earned it a Rating-R(ed) from us, our most severe rating (see our ratings explanation page for more info). While we generally don't feature games that aren't "family-friendly," we felt the quality of this game merited a review. Please be advised.

When we review flash-based games here, we usually don't say much about the portal where it was found. Generally speaking, the games have very little to do with the portal, and since the games are often to be found on multiple portals, it serves little purpose in the overall enjoyment of the game. However, the site in question here deserves a mention because Portal Defenders would not exist were it not for the site and community of Newgrounds. While it may seem like just another beat-em-up, Portal Defenders is so much more, especially if you've been around the Flash portal scene for a while.

In a style reminiscent of Castle Crashers, or classic games like Double Dragon and Final Fight, Portal Defenders sees the player taking on one of two (initially) personas, each with different strengths and weaknesses. It just so happens that the characters are based on the real-life head-honchos of Newgrounds, Tom Fulp and Dan Paladin. It is your job to help Tom and Dan protect the portal from a variety of evil ne'er-do-wells, from the scratching Kitty Krew to actionscript junkies to animators. Each has their own styles of attack, and each has a boss character that you must defeat. Like Tom and Dan, all of the other characters in the game are based on actual members of the Newgrounds portal. You might recognize some names of popular Flash authors like jmtb02 and Tyler Glaiel.

The beatings commence as you take your character of choice and his favorite kitchen implement to task against the waves of baddies to come. Press [A] to unleash an attack with your spoon or fork against anyone in the way. Pressing multiple times will create attack combos. If you manage to get your opponent in the air, continued pummeling will create air-juggle combos that earn extra points, and keep the baddies from counter-attacking while they're in the air. Pressing [S] lets you jump away from attack, or lets you jump into the fray, hopefully missing your opponent's initial attack. Hit [D] to throw an explosive surprise at your enemies. This is an excellent way to take care of a group of lackeys or to knock a boss down a few life-points before you go at him with your tableware.

Portal DefendersThere are three mini-games to help, as the developers put it, "distract you from the unbearable repetitiveness of endlessly mashing the same button." The P-Bot Zamboni game has your character hoping into a robotic cleaning machine in order to mop up the gallons of blood that have fallen all over the arena floor in the previous match. This lets you start the next round with a shiny clean floor for the next onslaught. The next is the Treasure Chest Decoder. Try and guess the combination to the chest by jumping on the different buttons. Only the correct code will give you access to the goodies inside. Last, but not least, is Paint The Town Red. This is basically a big, bloody Etch-a-Sketch. Walk through some blood, and use your footprints to draw your gore-filled creation. You can even submit your pictures to possibly be featured on the game's website.

Of course, what would any current game be without achievements? There are twenty achievements available to unlock in Portal Defenders, including five super-secret achievements you won't know until you unlock them. The standard achievements range from hitting your first enemy to viewing every game-over ending (complete with spinning newspaper headline and "Batman" trumpets) to beating the game with all 6 characters.

Analysis: Portal Defenders is a game made by (disturbed) Flash game geeks, for Flash game geeks. There are enough in-jokes in this game to keep any fan happy (one of the gangs of baddies are known as the "akshunskriptors") and the production quality is top-notch to boot. The animation is well-done, with combo movements tweening seamlessly into one another. Your character even does a rather embarrassing little victory dance at the end of each round.

Gameplay is old-school button-mashing fun, with nothing to get in the way of the bloody enjoyment of pummeling your opponents to death. One of the more disturbing takes on the beat-em-up genre is the way you replenish hit-points, by eating the various internal organs that will from time-to-time pop out of your defeated, decapitated enemies. Did I mention that this game was disturbing?

Portal Defender is hard. Very hard. Hard like you may never actually make it through the game unless you were one of the developers, and even then it'll take a month of Sundays to make it happen. You have the extent of your life bar, and whatever guts you can ingest to boost your HP, to make it through the game. There's no extra life, no continues. When it's game over, it's Game Over. Frustrating? Yes. Does it keep you coming back for more? Strangely enough, yes it does. I've probably played the game 25 times while writing this review, and while I have yet to make it past the third boss character (damn you, Mindchamber!) I've had a blast playing each time. And, of course, the achievements are icing on the bloody, gory cake.

We can give a game no better endorsement than go play it now! If you are not averse to ridiculous amounts of gratuitous violence, then you can do worse than giving Portal Defenders a go. Pick up your favorite cooking utensil and go beat some baddies!

Play Portal Defender


boy...this is one crazy game


I'm not sure I agree with the difficulty level... I played once and unlocked 8 awards - all the easy ones, Mindchamber and 2 secrets.

Having said, it's not really my type of game. That also means I reckon certain players will find this game easy to complete.

4 out of 5 though for it's graphics/feel.

joeynow March 3, 2009 7:45 PM

Why can't I run this game? Firefox says its running a script that causes Flash to run slowly. It did slow to where the preload animation's frozen.


Maybe it's just because I played a lot of X-Men Arcade back in the day, but my experience was the same as Syntax's. Beat Mindchamber the first time through, nearly beat the game on my third try. Although now I seem to be getting worse again.

Strategy tip for these types of games: never attack a guy when some other guy is in a position to take a swipe at you.

And in this game, the enemies can hurt each other with their attacks. So Mindchamber's secret weakness is:

his own missiles.

weirdguy March 3, 2009 7:55 PM

This game just takes practice.

BTW, I totally beat this thang a couple days ago, so ask away.

Like all games of this type, it is easier to approach from the top or bottom. Also, you can move slightly while attacking, so when you're approaching them from those sides, it's best to be swinging wildly.

weirdguy March 3, 2009 7:59 PM

So, how high of a combo can you get? I got 68 hits.


There seems to be a lot of adult or adultish ads on the website lately. I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable visiting this site in public.

[Edit: On JIG?! There should be absolutely no adult ads on the site. Would you please send to me a screenshot to our contact address the next time you see one? That will help me track down the offending advertiser. I haven't seen any myself, but ads are served up based on your geographical location. -Jay]

[Update: Nevermind, I think I found it. Those ads should no longer be appearing (but it may take a couple of hours for the caching system to purge them). Thanks for bringing this to my attention! -Jay]


I'm not much for fighting games, but this is fun. I can't wait till tomorrow so I can play it using the x-arcade controller! (no time tonight) Thanks again Jay!


Man, I Hate Newgrounds.

I get the same "script running slowly message", and the game stops downloading. I don't think I've ever successfully played a game on newgrounds.


what's the treasure chest decoder code?!!?!


[Edit by Kayleigh]


I get the slow script warning here too. Oh well.
(XP, Firefox, Flash 10)


Really enjoyed this game, I haven't got all the achievements yet. It was just the right level of difficulty for me and good replay value thanks to the different characters.

I like the way each set of enemies require different tactics, and the mini-games are fun as well.

The review doesn't mention that you can boost your HP if you get the combination right for the treasure chest.

I think the correct combination always has one of each symbol


Script running slowly error is caused by a firefox add-on called AddBlockPlus. It comes pre-installed on newer versions of firefox. Disable it and the game will load normally.


I love this game! it took a few tries to beat it myself, but i did. here are a few tips.
~don't neglect bombs. they do alot of damage, regardless of the special stat, that just determines the amount of bombs you start with.
~ i had a lot of trouble beating mindchamber (the 3rd boss)untill i figured out that his missles hurt him (as well as all the other enemies) so when the missles start falling, try to get the crosshair to go over him. (this also works for bigfuzzykitten (the first boss) and his balls of yarn.)
~when fighting the last boss, throw a bomb at him before he fires his lazar, it will interupt his attack and save you some health
treasure chest combo:

i am not going to give it to you, but it really is easy as 1, 2, 3!


Ah, Marcus, fear not, you're not the only one who finds this game difficult! I'm with ya man.


Okay. INCREDIBLE GAME. Now, spoiler alert.

Key to bosses are, always beat the little guys first. Now, the kitty is pretty easy but defeat the other kitties first. The second boss, the fish dude, jump to avoid the saw thingies from the little people, and also jump to avoid the tuna person's grand slam.The mind person, again, kill the little guys first because the little people and the mind thingy person complete each other's combos. Use the mind person's missles against him. Killing the little people will aid you with that. You'll manage with the dynamic duo easily. Even easier than the cat boss. Just remember that only jump-attacks can hurt the dude in bubble mode. I've yet to beat the last boss, but tips for the mini games: You have to wash the WHOLE ground in the first mini game. And in the second, it's crown, poo, thumbs up. Use it wisely.


The minigames make this game a lot more about resource management, since you have a fixed cap of both life (varies) and bombs (9). This strategy helped me beat the game with both Tom and Dan:

1) Use all of the bombs you get until the last stage, then just make sure you have about 4 left when you beat JOHNNYUTAH & STAMPER. You can only carry 9 bombs total.
2) Don't eat ANY body parts until AFTER the chest. You're going to get 100% life from the chest anyway.
3) On WADOLF, after you knock him down, lure the zombies (who are slow and have a VERY short attack range) to one side of the map. If he follows, bomb him and them together. If not, run around the zombies and beat him up some more.
4) If WADOLF catches you in his laser beam, mash on the bomb button, you can get one out in between knockdowns, and it can interrupt it, or at the very least you trade damage with him.
5) I suck at aiming missiles at MINDCHAMBER. I just approach him from above or below and bash away. Always be off his horizontal axis when he gets up.

catsfanj April 8, 2009 6:59 PM

Here is the decoder chest code:

Crown, poop, thumbs-up (In that order)


I used to find this game pretty hard till I came up with a new strategy (not gonna tell you about it). But that's what this game is mostly about. Strategies. I managed to get through the 3 first bosses almost without losing health (got hit twice or so). Although the last boss is a complete new story, since I lost really bad against him. But anyway, a tip: Try attacking on vertical.


hey jay, this game is kinda difficult for me i mean im not great at these kind of games anyways but yea any advice would be awesome



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